Lions, Tigers, and Rebel Black Bears...Oh My?

Colonel Reb Is Cryin!  It's official, Colonel Reb has been laid to rest.  Earlier this morning, Ole Miss faculty, students, and alumni voted in "Rebel Black Bear" as the newest mascot of the University of Mississippi.  Now I don't know about you, but the few times I've been to Oxford I came across so many bears native to Mississippi that the Grove was virtually a minefield of Yogi droppings.  Clearly I'm being sarcastic, but honestly when I saw the news break on ESPN this morning, my first thought was, "This can't be serious, it has to be some sort of Kenny Mayne skit, the 'Rebel Black Bear,' you've got to be kidding me?"  Nope.

I was watching PTI earlier today when Wilbon and Kornheiser were discussing the ramifications of the mascot change and Kornheiser made a great point.  He said, "What, you change the mascot, and the Bear's name is going to be Rebel?  Are you kidding me?  The Colonel wasn't the offending part, the name Rebel is the offending part.  Why not call the bear Doc or something."  He's exactly right.  Over the last few years, Ole Miss has gradually tried to distance itself from its racial past by phasing out Colonel Reb, restricting its band from playing Dixie, and banning Confederate flags, yet the school not only continues to call itself the Ole Miss Rebels, but actually has the audacity to name its new mascot "Rebel."  What gives, was the point of this whole fiasco not to get rid of all the racial undertones in the first place?  Whoever came up with this mascot idea was clearly the same person who thought it would be a good idea to try and market Jordan-Hare Stadium as "The Jungle."  Yeah we all know how that decision turned out, this is going to end badly!

On a lighter note, I would now like to invite the mascot runner-up into the studio in order to get his thoughts on the recent decision.  He's fun loving, he's entertaining, he's non-controversial, and he was my personal favorite candidate, ladies and gentlemen please welcome...Admiral Ackbar, It's A Trap!

Me:  "Admiral, welcome to the studio, thanks for joining me today."
Ackbar:  "SHUT YOUR YAP!"

Me:  "Hmmm, well let's get right to the point then, what do you think about Ole Miss choosing the Rebel Black Bear as their new mascot?"
Ackbar:  "I THINK IT"S CRAP!"

Me:  "And rightfully so, I thought you were head and shoulders above the rest of the candidates.  Now that the decision has been made, what do you plan on doing next?"
Ackbar:  "I'M GOING TO TAKE A NAP!"

Me:  "Well I like naps, that certainly sounds like a good plan to me.  Now as you know, Ole Miss is certainly known for having beautiful coeds, while you were on campus interviewing for the mascot position what were your impressions of the student body?"
Ackbar:  "I'D LIKE TO TAP!"

Me:  "Ohhhhoho Admiral, you sand baggin' son of a bitch you!  I sure hope your balls aren't itchy?"
Ackbar:  "IT'S THE CLAP!"

Me:  "I'm no doctor, but you probably need to get that checked out.  I hear you're a big football fan, what's your opinion on the game between Ole Miss and Bama coming up this weekend, you think the Rebels can cover the 21 point spread?"
Ackbar:  "NO, IT'S A TRAP, IT'S A TRAP, IT'S A TRAP!"

Me:  "Well Admiral, I want to thank you for stopping by and spending a few minutes with me today, I hope you'll come back and visit soon."
Ackbar:  'THAT'S A WRAP!"